I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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