operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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