You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
