when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
