Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
