my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
