Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
