Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
