I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
