If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
