carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
