There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she peed on how many people?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
