So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
