I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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