Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
