I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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