Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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