Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
