I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
