the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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