I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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