you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
