M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
