Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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