I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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