the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
