i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
