you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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