My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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