So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
