There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
