forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
