Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
