Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
