dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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