so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
