Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
