he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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