Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
