it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
