i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
