A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
