Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
