Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
