YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
