I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
