i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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