I didn't shave. On purpose
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
