The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
