textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
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