Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
