Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
