There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
