theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
