She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
