I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
