I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When did angry sex become our thing?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
