you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
