Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
