My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
