Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
