I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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